pluggedintheoverlord

Entry tags:

IC Contact

"Hey, this is Joker. Leave a message and I might get back to you. Unless you're trying to sell me something or I really just don't feel like talking to you-- in that case, take a hint and quit calling me."

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Yeah, okay, sure. More opportunities for property destruction, sounds like a great plan.

Well, if collateral is what you're worried about, we could always go to some sort of desolate wasteland.

We could have everyone sit quietly in a corner the whole time and they'd still attract trouble. Let's face it, Vakarian, you can dress us up, but you can't take us anywhere.

Not anywhere that you don't want on fire, at least.

Hah.

[A brief pause, and Garrus' voice is just a little softer.]

Would you believe it if I said I wouldn't take you guys any other way?

Yeah, I would. Might even agree with you.

[It wouldn't be right if everyone wasn't insane and violent and completely dysfunctional excuses for people. Like it or not, they were kind of more than just a crew; they were family.]

I kind of get the feeling I should be more worried about that than I am.

Nah, I get the feeling you'll never be able to be as worried about that as you should.

[He gave a brief snort of laughter.]

Yeah, probably. Gotten used to all you assholes and your shit.

[Joker got a look like he'd had a sudden realization; he turned to look at Garrus, regarding him with something like suspicion.]

...Wait a minute. When did you guys stop being those jerks I work with and start being my friends?

[He said 'friends' with about the same tone as someone else might have said 'mother-in-law'.]

Huh. I dunno.

[He's going to pour himself more brandy]

Here I thought we've been friends for a while.

[Turian pokerface get: IS HE REALLY HURT OR IS HE JUST FUCKING WITH YOU JOKER]

Learn something new every day.

[They didn't cover 'expressions of the craterfaced birdman' in flight school.]

So does this mean I have to stop calling you an asshole? Because I don't think that's gonna happen.

Nah, see, the beauty of friendship is being able to call one another 'asshole' with no repercussions.

For example-- you're an asshole.

See, now that you've put it like that, everything makes sense. It's all so clear to me now. You've opened my eyes to the true meaning of friendship.

[He should start writing a letter now: DEAR PRINCESS CELESTIA, TODAY I LEARNED A VALUABLE LESSON ABOUT FRIENDSHIP.]

You're lucky that you're just enough of an asshole to be worth liking, Garrus.

Now you're just being a kiss-ass.

[But Garrus smiles and dips his head, tossing it back so he can down his drink in one go]

Don't push your luck.

[He knocked back what was left in his glass and reached for the bottle. The pour was sloppy, but at least all of it got in the glass.]

[Garrus wants to say something, buuuuut he also figures that Joker's more than earned his right to complete, drunken oblivion]

If you pass out I'm not hauling your ass back to the crew quarters. Fair warning.

Part of the beauty of this friendship, Garrus, is that I can call you on your bullshit.

[You would totally drag his ass to bed, don't even lie. You hauled it all the way back to your apartment to let him crash on your couch the last time he got absolutely shitfaced, and the crew quarters are a lot closer than that.]

Yeah, yeah, whatever. Just as long as I don't have to carry you to Mordin's.

[Which, face it, he'd do anyway]

Unless I'm dying, never take me to Mordin's.

[Everything else he could sleep off or fix himself.]

What's wrong? Afraid he's gonna stick a probe in your other arm?

That, and his lectures are hell. You ever tried to keep up with his motormouth when you're hungover?

I don't even try to keep up with him when I'm sober. The hell makes you think I'd do it hungover?

I dunno, latent masochism?

Uh-huh.

Sorry, but I'm not that much of a turian.

Says the guy who willingly went into the Mako with Shepard.

[If that's not masochism, he doesn't know what is.]

Who the hell said it was willingly?

Didn't see you putting up too much of a fight. If it were me, you'd have to drag me kicking and screaming into that deathtrap.

[ACTION]

calibrating - 2013-02-16 20:43 (UTC) - Expand

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only