pluggedintheoverlord

[He planted both elbows on the bar top and pushed his hands into his hair, tipping his hat back a little.]

I don't even know where to start.

Start with the first thing that comes to mind.

...

[Joker is not good at this whole 'sharing is caring' thing. When he has a problem, he keeps it to himself and fixes it, he doesn't start talking about his feelings.]

I need a drink.

[Stalling tactic is go. He's going to get up and get himself another glass of kerosene.]

[Garrus waits patiently, keeping his eyes on Joker's every move until he sits back down]

[He poured himself a very generous helping of alcohol, not even bothering with the ice, because who the hell wanted to water-down alcohol?]

[And he knocked the whole thing back, all at once. It burned all the way down.]

[When he set the glass back down again, his eyes went to the door; not that he could've possibly made it there before Garrus blocked him, but he was tempted to make a break for it anyway.]

[LASER]

[FOCUS]

[ON]

[JOKER]

[Yeah, wow, he was getting nailed by Garrus' eye-beams of death over here.]

[Escape was clearly not an option.]

[He poured himself another glass, just about as full as the last one, and took his seat again. He left the bottle out, because he was probably going to need it.]

[Okay.]

[Okay, he could do this. He wasn't going to be able to get out until he said something, so he might as well get it over with. And Garrus was trustworthy, right? He could do this.]

...Do you remember when I said that Gunny blamed me for our dad being dead?

[Garrus wasn't about to make any move to stop Joker, but he was also definitely keeping a mental tally in his head. If for no other reason than because helping Joker would be pointless if he just drank himself into oblivion]

Yeah?

She was right, it's my fault that he died.

[That glass was looking real interesting right about now; in fact, he couldn't seem to take his eyes off of it.]

And that she did, too.

[WELL NOW]

[THAT SURE IS SOMETHING]

[Garrus couldn't be sure if it was a good or bad thing that the news didn't surprise him]

How?

[He didn't specify what he was asking, exactly: How did it happen? How was it his fault? Both were equally viable, and both questions were at the forefront of his mind]

My father didn't put her on the shuttles heading off-world. Stupid stubborn bastard.

[Who knew what his father was thinking at the time; maybe he thought that Tiptree was too unimportant to ever be invaded, like Joker had. Maybe he thought that the safest place for his daughter was with him.]

When the reapers invaded, she said there were some asari commandos that came by the farm. While they were there, one of them went berserk, she was probably indoctrinated. The other took my sister and ran. Gunny got hurt when they had to double-back for the radio to call for an evac.

[His voice had been steady up until that point, but it was starting to crack. His hands were shaking around the glass, so he had to let go and clench his hands to hide it.]

They hid in the barn, but Gunny said her leg was broke and she couldn't stop crying. The asari tried to keep her quiet, and when she couldn't-- [He had to stop, clear his throat, because his voice had really cracked.] --when she couldn't, that bitch killed her.

[Joker was a vindictive son of a bitch, but he couldn't say that there was a whole lot of people that he actively wanted dead. This Aeian asari? He would have done it himself and not lost a moment of sleep over it.]

None of it would've happened if I'd told Shepard. I know she would've gone down to evac them if I'd've just opened my damn mouth, but I-- [He cleared his throat again.] --I thought it was too much to ask her to go into a hot zone for a colony that wasn't strategically important and didn't have any resources. Hell, I don't even know why the reapers cared to invade it, not when there's Eden Prime and Terra Nova and fucking Sur'Kesh right in the same area. If I hadn't decided that my fucking duty was more important than Gunny, she wouldn't have died.

[Garrus didn't know what to say. Was there anything he could say? After he'd spent so much time celebrating the fact that his father and sister had made it off his own burning planet, anything he could potentially come up with just seemed so trite and empty. Platitudes, tired, useless and worn out over the months, weren't going to do a damn thing for Joker's guilt.]

[So Garrus settled for putting an arm around the pilot's shoulders instead, not making a sound and allowing him all the time he needed. If Joker wanted to talk, he'd listen, if he wanted Garrus to speak instead, he'd comply. Until he gave any notion towards a preference, however, he remained silent]

[He didn't resist when Garrus put an arm around him, but he didn't actually acknowledge it, either; he just let it happen.]

[There was a brittle edge to his voice when he spoke again.]

...did I make the right call?

...The turian in me says yes.

But as your friend? Seeing you like this now? I can understand the call, but I can't say it was the right one.

[Which sucks, but, them's the facts]

I'm sorry.

Yeah. That's what I thought.

[The wrong call. You make the wrong call, and people die. He should have told Shepard and let her decide.]

Guess it doesn't matter now.

[It's one hell of a lesson to learn-- as Garrus found out himself back on Omega]

Where is she?

[Joker had learned a lot of things from the war. Not too many of them were good.]

Sleeping in the crew quarters.

Does she know?

[The 'about the call' is implied]

...No.

[He couldn't risk losing her by telling her he'd basically abandoned her because of something as stupid as duty.]

[He can't blame him for that, honestly]

All right.

I'll make sure it stays that way.

I figured you would.

[Garrus was probably the only person on the Normandy that he would've trusted with this information. Use it wisely.]

The apartment offer is still open, you know. In case you want to spend time with her outside of working on the ship.

I might take you up on it. I'll think about it.

[If his sister was alive here, he should take advantage of it as much as possible. Spend time with her, more than just flight lessons or yelling about her not going to class.]

Yeah, just let me know.

It's pretty much cleaned out already, except for the cat and my own stuff. Modifying it for the two of you would be easy, too.

I'll run it by Gunny when she wakes up.

[He wasn't looking forward to their next conversation, because it was going to be so many different kinds of weird. Just thinking about it made him need to knock back another swig of alcohol.]

Thanks.

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