pluggedintheoverlord

[Joker stop being such a tough nut to crack]

Well, she collected us, didn't she?

That's something constant across all these damn universes.

[Yeah, sure, he'll just totally put aside thirty years of defense mechanisms to make things easier on you, Garrus. He'll get right on that.]

Speak for yourself, craterface. She didn't collect me, I came with the ship.

Uh-huh.

And to think, the Shepards still kept you even after dealing with your award-winning personality.

...Speaking of, is Jim still talking to you after that stunt you pulled? I didn't hear the details, but it must've been good to get him that pissed.

When you're as good as me, you don't need a winning personality.

[He gave a sort of awkward little half-shrug.] I've been kinda lying low on that front. Getting a gun pulled on me once was enough, y'know?

[Maybe THAT'S what's bothering him...]

Getting a gun pulled on you?

That couldn't have been pleasant.

I kinda had it coming.

My only regret is that I never got him to break that damn poker face. Seriously, I bet he cleans house at cards.

Well, you sure as hell got his temper up higher than I've ever seen it go, so you did something right. How'd you set that up?

I had some help.

[Gonna divert that topic again.]

Maybe I should put this on my resume. 'Pissed off Commander Shepard and didn't get shot for it'. Sounds like a marketable skill to me.

'Didn't get shot' does sound a little better than 'only almost got shot'.

[He knows who helped Joker out (thanks to Jim's angry mutterings), but here's where the probing comes in.]

So, who was it? Kasumi? Tali? She has been getting sneakier lately.

Please, Tali's only been gunning for you lately, and, let's be honest, she doesn't need a partner in crime. She does well enough all by herself.

[Wow, he sure is dodging that subject.]

So, it wasn't Tali, it wasn't Kasumi, it wasn't Wrex, because, face it, subtlety just isn't his specialty. It wasn't Bakara, since she's definitely way too mature for that kind of thing. Mordin would've just snubbed you. It definitely wasn't me, though I am kind of hurt you didn't ask.

[He just gives Joker a knowing Look]

[The social temperature was plummeting here.]

So why're you asking if you already know the answer, Batman?

I'm just wondering why it was such a big secret.

Hell, if it was me and Sol, I'd be bragging about her.

Well, it's not you and Sol, is it?

[He shouldn't be angry at Garrus because his family survived the war; he shouldn't, but couldn't help it. Garrus' family got out alive from a full-scale invasion on Palaven, but his sister couldn't make it out of a small one on a backwater colony-- it wasn't fair, and it felt like he was going to choke on his own goddamn bitterness.]

[WELL NOW]

[It's probably safe to say that he hit something there. He tries not to let Joker's tone faze him, taking the liquor in front of him into account.]

What is it this time? Another fight?

[Garrus sure did hit paydirt with that one.]

No, it's not, and fuck you for asking.

[Speaking of that alcohol, now seemed like a good time for him to take another pull.]

Me and Gunny are none of your damn business, so try to keep your flat nose out of it.

[Two stubborn assholes walk into a bar]

[Then this happens]

Congratulations, Moreau, you just made it my damn business.

What the hell is wrong with you?

Edited 2013-01-27 22:36 (UTC)

[Two assholes walk into a bar, only one walks out.]

Drop it, Vakarian.

No.

[HAH. BEAT THAT.]

Now tell me what the hell is going on.

I said, drop it!

[Joker punctuated that sentence by slamming his tumbler down onto the bar top hard enough to make cracks spiderweb across the glass. He may or may not have also broken a finger or two, but he wasn't paying attention.]

[That sure escalated quickly.]

[Garrus' mandibles twitched. Angrily so.]

[Despite that, however, there was an underlying twinge of concern when he spoke next. Joker, as much of an ass as he could be, never got explosively angry. Not like this.]

Like hell, Joker.

What happened?

[He had to very carefully make himself let go of the glass, because it was already cracked and if he kept putting pressure on it, he might just end up with a hand full of shards.]

[This was a bad idea, the alcohol was a bad idea, he should've locked himself in the helm until he'd gotten his shit together. And he was going to get it together, he would damn well man up and deal with it, because didn't need anyone's help even when his life was turning into a mess. This was his mess; he'd made this bed and he was damn well going to lie in it.]

[Joker forced his voice into something sort of like calmness, but he couldn't make it not sound tense.] I'm fine, Garrus. Nothing happened, it's just been a long couple of days.

No, a missed diagnostic check is 'a long couple of days'. Waking up cranky is 'a long couple of days'. This is not a long couple of days, Joker.

[Garrus pushes his own drink aside carefully, as if anything but would cause even more damage]

Damn it, let me help you.

I don't need help. Take a hint and get off my back already.

[Locking himself in the helm was looking like a better and better idea.]

Either you talk to me, or your sister does. And even if I have to go to her, then you can bet your ass I'm coming right back for you.

So take your pick.

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