pluggedintheoverlord

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"Hey, this is Joker. Leave a message and I might get back to you. Unless you're trying to sell me something or I really just don't feel like talking to you-- in that case, take a hint and quit calling me."

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Who pissed you off would probably be a good place to start.

[If he had to take a guess, he would've said it was something to do with Garrus-- the turian was close to her and if anyone could get under her skin quick, it'd be him. When a girl was pissed, you usually didn't have to look much further than the boyfriend.]

[It wasn't exactly pissed- more like hurt. Still though, it was a shitty feeling.]

Garrus and I got into an argument earlier.

[Shepard took another drink from her glass before setting it down in front of her onto the table. Her arms crossed over her chest and she looked over at Joker.]

So I left.

[Saying 'pissed' made it sound a little less vulnerable than 'upset'.]

What'd he say to you?

It's nothing worth mentioning.

[~~HE'S A BIG STUPID TURIAN~~]

That bad, huh?

[Garrus, you stupid, stupid birdman.]

No... no, it wasn't that bad.

[Now she's going to fiddle with the hem of her shirt. OH BOY, A DISTRACTION!]

...You really gotta work on your poker face, Commander.

[Take a lesson from Joker, his poker face thus far seems to have been goddamn impenetrable. ~~Like Garrus' tightly-clenched ass.~~]

Shut it, Joker.

[Her words came out more as a joking tone than actually being serious. She was only kidding, anyways.]

It was working up until you said anything.

[Shepard shakes her head.]

This is weird- talking about relationship problems, I mean. I never ... have before.

[~~Pft, Shepard can see through it. Sometimes. 8| Nice try though, Joker.~~]

[~~also, LEAVE GARRUS' ASS OUT OF THIS~~]

[Apparently she was still oblivious to the one big thing that he was keeping quiet about.]

[He rubbed the back of his neck.] Not gonna lie, I'm not really all that great with the whole relationship thing, myself. Can count the number of 'em I've been in on one hand.

[The real question is how many of those relationships have been with his hand.]

[She definitely was oblivious to that one specific thing he was staying quiet about.]

That makes two of us.

[Shepard sighed heavily.]

[Hell, she never really had time for relationships and when she did, they usually fell apart for a number of different reasons.]

[Like with Liara.]

[He took a sip of the alcohol and tried to think of how he could be of any help at all in this situation. Him, the antisocial pilot who argued with the computer all day and didn't like people.]

[If this had been a difficult piece of navigation, Joker would be her man. But this kind of flying was something that he wasn't an ace at.]

Gonna hang around here for a while?

Yeah, I think I will.

Just to... y'know, let us both calm down.

[Shepard reached for her drink, taking a sip of it.]

Yeah, gotcha.

[He certainly wouldn't mind her being around. And the Normandy was just as much her home as it was his.]

[Shepard nodded her head and took another drink from her glass, growing silent. She stared across the room at the wall, becoming lost in her thoughts.]

[Well, this sure was a pregnant silence if Joker ever heard one. A moody, knocked-up, brooding silence.]

I could always punch him for you. I've still got one good hand left after the last time.

[Clearly the best way to break it was with snark.]

[That certainly broke Shepard's train of thought. She looked over to Joker, brows arching at his remark.]

Yeah, if you wanted him to snap you right in half.

[Have an amused little grin.]

[He got a smile from her-- mission accomplished.]

I figure the shock of it'll buy me enough time to get outta there before he breaks me.

Shocking Garrus? Good one, Joker.

[She reaches for her glass and takes another drink.]

Anyway, I'd prefer to not end up breaking you two apart. It was enough when Miranda and Jack got at each others throats.

I'll try not to get into any sexy catfights while you're around. But you totally should've let that one between Miranda and Jack go for a bit. [He gave her a sidelong look and a grin.] Not long enough for hull damage or anything, but a little clothing damage wouldn't've hurt.

[Shepard shakes her head.]

I think it went on long enough. If you want to see cat fights, find vids on the extranet.

[HMPH]

Yeah, but I could've used some new material.

[Do you even want to know how big his porn stash is.]

Uh huh.

[No. B| But she has a pretty good idea.]

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