pluggedintheoverlord

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"Hey, this is Joker. Leave a message and I might get back to you. Unless you're trying to sell me something or I really just don't feel like talking to you-- in that case, take a hint and quit calling me."

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[So that door that you thought was totally secure?]

[It just got ripped off its hinges like it was wrapping paper, and tossed aside casually.]

[And peering in is this giant asshole.]

Heeeeeere's Wrexy...

[Joker, you never should have shown him that movie]

...

[If it were physically possible for him to piss, he actually might have wet himself because WREX YOU ARE TERRIFYING.]

...I am never showing you movies ever again.

You got a check up appointment.

[He reaches behind his back and holds up a crowbar.]

Don't know why Doc gave me this, but from the shape of it, pretty sure I can jam it up one of your orifices and take you with me like a varren on a spit.

That's, uh. Not how you use that.

[Oh god he fears for his ass. Literally.]

Just sayin'.

Huh.

Then how?

[Oh he has that grin]

Someplace far away from me, for starters.

Guess I'll figure it out for myself.

[Oh look at that console with the Normandy's diagnostic data]

[Man, that exploded really nice when the crowbar literally cleaved right through it like it was made of butter.]

[Joker made a noise that he would forever deny was a shriek when Wrex destroyed the console.]

[WHEELING HIS ASS OVER THERE NOW]

What the fuck is wrong with you?! Quit breaking my ship! Again!

[He whips around and gets right in his face, grinning as hard as he can]

You wanna give me something else to break?

[Wow Wrex have a mint or something]

...I think I'm fresh out.

[He's already reached his max quota of breaking things for the year, thanks.]

Maybe you should check the back.

[Speaking of RIGHT BEHIND YOU, he just biotic blasted that crowbar through another console. There is now a fountain of sparks shooting off at your back Joker.]

I'll wait.

[Joker swore and covered his head with one arm when the console behind him basically exploded due to biotically-propelled crowbar. Then he turned and stared at the wreckage, mouth gaping.]

[He turned back to Wrex, his expression still a mixture of outrage, shock, and sheer what is wrong with you.]

[Congratulations, Wrex, Joker is actually too pissed right now to talk. Give him a minute.]

[There we go.]

Get. The Hell. Off of my ship!

[And he gets right.]

[In]

[His]

[Face]

[He's close enough that you can smell who he ate last, Joker.]

Gonna make me?

[Wow, Wrex. That's... really gross.]

No.

Bakara will.

[Don't make him call your girlfriend on you.]

Who?

[He doesn't know her name yet]

Eve, you giant asshole.

Seriously, how do I know her name and you don't?

[Hear this?]

[This is actually a very dangerous growl, Joker]

[Well, this sure as hell escalated quickly.]

Get out of my face, Wrex.

Fine.

I'm done playing anyway.

[His first inclination is grab his head. But that would probably kill him.]

[So he's going to begrudgingly just pick up the entire chair you are in, Joker.]

Son of a bitch!

[You really should've just done this from the beginning. Joker is well and truly stuck.]

Put me down!

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