pluggedintheoverlord

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"Hey, this is Joker. Leave a message and I might get back to you. Unless you're trying to sell me something or I really just don't feel like talking to you-- in that case, take a hint and quit calling me."

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[Instinct took over once Gunny's ability to reason exhausted itself on retelling her story]

[The hand on her back was all the invitation she needed to half crawl, half stumble forward into Joker's torso, her arms wrapped around his middle and her face pressed into his chest. Gunny let herself cry harder-- there really wasn't any reason to try and seem brave anymore.]

[He took her weight when she fell against him, arms wrapping around her like he had any right to protect her after being pretty much the reason that she was hurt in the first place. It wasn't too long before his shirt started to feel damp from where she was crying into it, and he let her.]

[Joker held her, tight enough that the bones in his arms ached from the pressure, tucked his face into her hair and just held on.]

I'm sorry, Gunny. I'm so sorry.

[He could be as sorry as he liked; he knew it wasn't worth jack or shit, nevertheless jackshit. Sorry wouldn't make anything different.]

[Being this close where her head could rise and fall with every breath her brother took, where she could hear his heartbeat and somewhat lose herself in the idea that as long as he was here, everything would turn out fine, lulled her into a sense of security that she hadn't allowed in far too long.]

[A while passed until Gunny trusted herself to speak, and even then it was through hiccups muffled by Joker's shirt. Her eyes were sore, no doubt red and puffy as well, so she kept them closed and focused once more on the rhythmic, if not somewhat strained thumping]

Don't be sorry.

Dad said... Dad said that the Alliance wouldn't have let you come get us. That they wouldn't tell you because you'd be on a mission involving family. S'not your fault.

[He rubbed her back in slow circles until she finished crying, one of those mindless, universal comforting gestures and really the only thing he could think to do. He wasn't good at comfort, and that hadn't changed in the past five minutes.]

[Joker closed his eyes when he heard that lie-- they stung-- and wasn't sure if he hated his father for putting that lie in his mouth or was glad for it. It was an excuse, a way out, and even if it wasn't true, who cared? The truth was shit and she'd been hurt enough already, so didn't she deserve the merciful lie?]

[Could it really do any more harm?]

Yeah. [His voice was tight, and it was hard to get words out still.] I hadn't even heard about it yet. They never told me.

[Gunny had no reason to disbelieve him, and couldn't help but mistake the guilt in his voice for sorrow, which, in turn, only provoked her own guilt for putting the blame on her brother when, as far as she knew, he didn't deserve it.]

M'Sorry you had to find out like this.

Don't be.

[That came out sharper than he'd meant; she shouldn't apologize to him for this. For any of it. Not when it was really all his fault.]

[The tone made Gunny flinch for a moment, but, just as quickly, she relaxed. She was simply tired of the perpetual tenseness that came with anxiety and living in a constant state of nervousness]

[Outside of the occasional sniffle, she fell silent, counting on her brother's closeness to keep her calm for the time being]

[There wasn't anything that he could say that would make this okay, or even just slightly less awful; there weren't any diagrams about how to comfort your dead little sister and not fuck things up. Most people probably assumed that things on that end would've been sorted out already, considering the nature of the problem.]

[Goddamn war.]

[For lack of anything better, he held onto her.]

[Gunny's shuddering sighs quieted down after a while (minutes, hours, she couldn't tell), but the silence made her uneasy. Her fingers curled into the fabric of Joker's shirt while her tired mind tried to fill the lull with the first thing that came to it]

I'm scared, Jeff.

I don't want to go home.

Edited 2013-02-04 02:06 (UTC)

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