[He listened, quiet for once, while Gunny talked. There were times when he wanted to interrupt-- why weren't the asari evacuating you? why didn't Dad put you on the first shuttle to Sur'Kesh? why were there only two asari out of all the commandos there?-- but he bit the inside of his cheek to stop himself, to make sure she finished. Interruptions would only make it harder for her to talk.]
[The further she went into the events, the more his stomach twisted into cold knots. He could tell by her pale face and the strain in her voice and from every tense inch of her that this story wasn't going to have a happy ending. Everything that he'd been afraid of since he'd heard that Tiptree had been invaded was going to be revealed as truth, right now. No amount of psychological resistance training or ruthless calculus could have prepared him for this.]
[His baby sister had been dying on Tiptree, crushed by the biotics of a woman she'd thought would save her. Probably had died there of her injuries.]
[And it was his fault.]
[She was sitting here, in front of him, curled in on herself and shaking, but only because of whatever bullshit had brought Mordin back when he was supposed to be dead, and Thane. If she ever left-- if she was ever wormholed like Shepard just was-- then she would be right back to dying, to dead. And it was all because he put his duty over his family and didn't say a word when he heard that Tiptree was attacked; if he had only said something, he knew as sure as fucking breathing that Shepard would have gone to help. But he had decided that it was too dangerous, that they had too many more important missions to do to risk Shepard's life and the lives of the squad and the ship itself to go save a few colonists on an ass-backwards planet.]
[She'd been right when she blamed him for their father's death. He was responsible for hers, too.]
[Joker's face was a blank slate. He had the horrible urge to leave, to get up and get out the door because he was fairly certain that knowing that he was the reason his family was dead was going to make him crack, and he couldn't show that in front of Gunny. He was her big brother, he was supposed to take care of her and make things right, except that he had so completely fucked this up that there was no possible way for it ever to be right. Everything was wrong and that one hope that he'd been holding onto throughout the whole goddamn war, that at least his sister would be okay, was gone. He wanted to hit something until his hand broke, because he could deal with that kind of pain; he couldn't deal with the kind that was squeezing like a vice in his chest.]
[He should say something. He just doesn't have any idea of what could possibly be said to this, or if he could even get any words out considering the fact that it felt like his throat had closed up. This wasn't okay, and she wasn't okay, and nothing at all about this was okay, and Joker didn't know what he was supposed to do.]
[He reached out and hesitated a few inches away from her, then put a hand on her back and could feel her shaking. He had to do something, something.]
[His voice came out in a tight, hoarse croak.] Gunny.
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timeasmymeasure
[ACTION]
Date: 2013-01-26 08:33 am (UTC)[The further she went into the events, the more his stomach twisted into cold knots. He could tell by her pale face and the strain in her voice and from every tense inch of her that this story wasn't going to have a happy ending. Everything that he'd been afraid of since he'd heard that Tiptree had been invaded was going to be revealed as truth, right now. No amount of psychological resistance training or ruthless calculus could have prepared him for this.]
[His baby sister had been dying on Tiptree, crushed by the biotics of a woman she'd thought would save her. Probably had died there of her injuries.]
[And it was his fault.]
[She was sitting here, in front of him, curled in on herself and shaking, but only because of whatever bullshit had brought Mordin back when he was supposed to be dead, and Thane. If she ever left-- if she was ever wormholed like Shepard just was-- then she would be right back to dying, to dead. And it was all because he put his duty over his family and didn't say a word when he heard that Tiptree was attacked; if he had only said something, he knew as sure as fucking breathing that Shepard would have gone to help. But he had decided that it was too dangerous, that they had too many more important missions to do to risk Shepard's life and the lives of the squad and the ship itself to go save a few colonists on an ass-backwards planet.]
[She'd been right when she blamed him for their father's death. He was responsible for hers, too.]
[Joker's face was a blank slate. He had the horrible urge to leave, to get up and get out the door because he was fairly certain that knowing that he was the reason his family was dead was going to make him crack, and he couldn't show that in front of Gunny. He was her big brother, he was supposed to take care of her and make things right, except that he had so completely fucked this up that there was no possible way for it ever to be right. Everything was wrong and that one hope that he'd been holding onto throughout the whole goddamn war, that at least his sister would be okay, was gone. He wanted to hit something until his hand broke, because he could deal with that kind of pain; he couldn't deal with the kind that was squeezing like a vice in his chest.]
[He should say something. He just doesn't have any idea of what could possibly be said to this, or if he could even get any words out considering the fact that it felt like his throat had closed up. This wasn't okay, and she wasn't okay, and nothing at all about this was okay, and Joker didn't know what he was supposed to do.]
[He reached out and hesitated a few inches away from her, then put a hand on her back and could feel her shaking. He had to do something, something.]
[His voice came out in a tight, hoarse croak.] Gunny.