pluggedintheoverlord

I'm not having this conversation with you, Hilary. You're not my goddamn mother and you aren't my keeper, and I don't have t'explain myself to you.

[Sorry, your brother is kind of an angry, drunk hobo.]

So don't even think that you've got th' right t' lecture me.

Yeah?

See, I thought you were my keeper since you're supposed to be the adult here.

You sure proved me wrong.

Yeah, well, you're not makin' that real easy for me, are you? You don't listen to me when I do try, so what the fuck am I wastin' my time for?

You're not Dad, Jeff!!!

[A pause. That... wasn't supposed to come out like that. Actually, that wasn't supposed to come out at all. Awkward.]

[But seeing as this is a sibling fight, she's going to stick to her guns.]

You're not Dad, and you never will be! He'd never do anything as stupid as you are, and... and he'd definitely never think I was a waste of time.

But if that's what you think? Then fine. Be that way. If you're wasting your time on me, then I'm wasting my time in making sure you don't wind up dead.

[A lot of things were coming out that weren't supposed to.]

Yeah, I know I'm not Dad, and I'm sorry that I can't replace him, but he's dead. He's dead and I'm all you've got, and I don't really know what the hell I'm doing, so I'd appreciate it if you'd cut me a goddamn break!

So if you could maybe just quit riding my ass over a couple of drinks, I think that'd be real fucking great, because I've been able to keep myself alive just fine for the past few years without you hovering over me. Based on that evidence, I'm gonna say that I can keep it up just fine without you, too!

[Remember that Look she got before when Joker confronted her about Mordin's procedure?]

[Multiply that by about ten. Gunny's voice lowers, and it's a lot more controlled than just a few moments earlier. What comes OUT of her mouth however, is not]

You wanna know why Dad's not here right now?

It's because you and the Alliance didn't even try to protect any of us back on Tiptree. You forgot about him and me then, so I shouldn't be surprised that you're gonna back out now.

[Congratulations, Gunny, you actually managed to get Joker to shut up with that one. In fact, he's just staring at the screen. He looks like he's just been struck, or maybe more accurately like he just had his heart ripped out and stomped on.]

[He doesn't have anything to say. There just aren't any words for how close to home Gunny just hit, or how guilty it makes him.]

Hilary, I--

[He shuts his mouth.]

[And hangs up.]

[FATALITY]

[Actually, no. Well, yes, but this is most definitely not how she wanted or expected their conversation to go. Yes, she was mad, yes she was worried, and yes, she wished her brother would come back to his normal goofy, yet reliable self, but with the combined stresses of the past few months piling onto her already taxed nerves, and Joker's own (very understandable, given his current condition and the events that led up to it) bottled up anger, it was only a matter of time before tensions came to a head.]

[Gunny spent her months on the Loki processing Tiptree and, as far as she knew at the time, coming to terms with it. What this heated exchange showed all too clearly, however, is that she wasn't nearly as over it as she'd hoped or thought. The look on Joker's face after she so thoroughly annihilated his heart with one well-placed verbal suckerpunch only proved further that, despite her father's final words and her own stubbornness against the notion, she still blamed her brother for failing to save the day, his apparent ignorance in the matter screaming to her that he didn't even know or care that Tiptree burned (despite how thoroughly opposite the truth was).]

[Her stomach and chest both twisted and clenched at the very thought. She didn't want or need a reason to resent Jeff, especially with how hard he tried to protect and take care of her now that the two wound up together again. Knowing her brother, and how much he really did care about his family and what he was willing to sacrifice for them, even the smallest amount of doubt was unwarranted. He deserved a chance, plain and simple, to explain what could very well be one giant, awful misunderstanding. His drinking. Tiptree. Everything. He needed her, but instead of providing that outlet Gunny just ruined any chance her brother had by letting her own animosity bubble over and drill into him in a moment of (albeit drunken) vulnerability]

[How could she face him after that? Would he even want to talk to her? Why should he, after what she'd said?]

[Maybe he really was better off without her]

[As these jumbled thoughts mull over through her mind, all Gunny can really do is stare at the blank screen]

[Cornered older brother? Check.]

[Peanut butter and pickle sandwich, crust off and neatly cut into triangles? Check.]

[Appropriate amount of vomit inducing shame? Check.]

[It's go time]

[Minutes after their spat (more like all out emotional/verbal beatdown), Gunny wanted to call her brother up and apologize, despite how completely shitfaced he was at the time]

[She honestly expected him home within a few hours, taking just a couple more to sober up, and then talking about it. When the hours kept ticking by into and through the 'night', her anxiety built up, but not to the point of full on panic. Still, she didn't sleep. She never slept well unless she knew someone was around, but she'd never gone a full night without it]

[Then another day passed.]

[And another night]

[And her tired mind actually entertained the idea that maybe her brother really meant that he wanted to cut ties (never mind the fact that it wasn't what he'd said at all).]

[So when she caught wind that he'd returned to Normandy, she naturally jumped at the chance to hopefully make things right, or at least confirm just how much she managed to fuck things up between them]

[Which brings us to now!]

[Gunny makes her way down through the CIC (which she'd finally learned the right name for), sneaks up behind her brother in his chair, and meekly holds out the plated sandwich off to his side, still standing behind him and out of sight in case she needs to make a quick getaway]

[And in a change of heart of the player she doesn't really say anything because what the heck]

Edited 2012-11-19 03:25 (UTC)

[Joker had spent most of the first day in hangover-related misery, praying to whatever god might care to listen that he be struck dead on the spot or, barring that, for the goddamn painkillers to kick in already. The latter occurred; he was still waiting on the former.]

[The next day, Joker had gone back to the ship when Gunny was at school (or rather, should have been at school), but he'd made himself scarce before she came back. Whether or not she needed it, she was getting some space.]

[He'd been up at the helm all morning, looking through reports on how the repairs were holding up-- pretty good, because Tali did damn good work-- and he was distracted when his sister made her approach. Joker had thought about manning up and going to talk to her, just to get the whole stupid thing over with, but he was dragging his feet about it and finding excuses to put it off.]

[He startled when a sandwich was thrust into his field of view, then looked at Gunny, then to the sandwich, then back to Gunny.]

Uh. What?

[Oh good]

[He didn't shoot lasers at her on sight]

It's, um, for you.

[Duh.]

...To say sorry.

...Oh. Right.

[This wasn't really how he expected this to play out. He'd thought that Gunny would be pissed at him, not making him sandwiches.]

Thanks.

[Well, this was awkward.]

I guess we need to, y'know. Do the talking thing.

[With a nod, Gunny leaves the plate in Joker's lap before shuffling on to the co-pilot's chair, where she slowly takes a seat, almost unsure if she's allowed to do so.]

[Once she's settled in, she looks up at her big brother, careful not to catch his eye]

You go first.

[Because talking about serious things is scary]

[There wasn't really anywhere else for her to sit, though it was kind of weird for that seat to be filled by anyone who wasn't EDI. But that was a whole other can of issues that didn't need to be opened yet.]

Yeah, okay.

[He paused for a few seconds to figure out what the hell he was going to say, because he really hadn't prepared this in advance and was starting to think that may he should've.]

I shouldn't have gone off on you like that. [Okay, that was probably a good place to start. Y'know, at the beginning, which was where he had started fucking up.] You were right that I shouldn't've been drinking, I was just pissed that you called me out on it. I don't have any right to be pissed at you for that. I was drunk and stupid and didn't mean pretty much everything that I said.

[As he spoke, Gunny's legs folded up against her chest, so her chin could rest against her knees. She never wore shoes while walking around Normandy, a habit she kept from civilian life (if she could be considered living in military life now. That was still very much up in the air.) so she played with the leather with her sock covered toes.]

[She still has trouble meeting Joker's eye, but hearing his apology definitely helps her resolve]

I'm, um, I'm sorry, too. I shouldn't have gotten as mad as I did and. I dunno. I should've been more calm about it or something, and I overreacted because I was kind of scared and, and,...

[Yup. Not going well. Overly emotional teenager SUPER TASK FORCE GO]

[There's a hiccup]

I'm sorry for being a pain in the ass, and I'll try harder to listen and I really, really didn't mean what I said about you and not being Dad, I mean, you're not, but I don't want you to be, I just want you to be you and I'm a dumbass for making that something hard to do.

[She pauses JUUUUST long enough to take a shaky breath and we're all really lucky she hasn't gone into full waterworks yet]

And forget what I said about Tiptree, okay? I know you wouldn't leave me and Dad behind like that. I just said it because I was mad.

[They were both doing a very good job at completely avoiding anything like eye contact. Joker, at the moment, was finding that sandwich she'd made him particularly interesting, or at least a lot easier to look at than her.]

So long as you don't believe any of that shit I said about not wanting you around. I mean, you shouldn't have to look out for me, because that's my job, but... yeah. I want you around, because even when you're a pain in the ass, you're my pain in the ass. I know I'm not real good at showing it, but, y'know, I love you and all that crap.

And if I didn't keep an eye on you, Mom would totally come back just to kick my ass.

[That earns a grin, even though her eyes insist on leaking to high hell. One emotionally stunted sibling, while the other is on emotional overload-- awesome combination]

And Dad would totally come back and kick your ass for saying I shouldn't keep one on you, too.

[She sucks in another shaky breath, finally mustering up enough courage to... stare at her brother's new, still growing beard. Okay. Well. Baby steps.]

We're a family, Jeff. [All that's left of it] That means we take care of each other. Kind of like being a pain in the ass team.

Edited 2012-11-24 05:57 (UTC)

Yeah, but let's face it, Mom was a lot more terrifying.

[One of them was going to have to man up and look at the other, and it looked like that was going to be him. Any second now. Aaaaany second now.]

[Okay, there. See? Eye contact.]

I know we are, Gunny. Thing is, though, you're still a kid. And I'm glad you've got my back, but the division of responsibility here isn't equal. It's like, seventy-thirty. Maybe sixty-forty. Just want to make that clear.

[Holding that eye contact's a challenge in itself]

[But she's managing it! Just barely, but it's better than before]

...Make it sixty-forty and you've got yourself a deal.

[She knows Joker well enough that leaving him up to managing his illness doesn't bother her. It never did. After all, nobody knew his own body better than he did, and outside of an emergency, she'd just be an unnecessary nanny. Her brother's kind of like a cactus-- prickly (well, to anyone he wasn't really close with), and he only needed to go out into the sun once or twice a week. As long as that was taken care of, along with eating every once in a while (which she didn't mind prompting him to do) he was good to go.]

[She's also fine with the idea of him taking up a good chunk of the slack when it came to the division of guardianship between the two. As independent as she'd like to think she is, Gunny knows better than to think she could get by on her own. The Loki taught her otherwise. Besides, if nothing else, taking care of her provided a decent distraction from everything else going to shit]

[Which led to the root of the problem: their shared, excellent, personal traumas. Even before the Purists did... whatever they did to him (she didn't want to think about it), he just seemed haunted by something. At the very least, he definitely wasn't the same big brother she'd last seen a couple of years ago, although she didn't pry. All she could do was be there whenever he needed it. That was her forty. And it sucked that it couldn't be made up of more, especially since she'd pretty much agreed on the split (even if he hadn't yet).]

Edited 2012-11-27 05:49 (UTC)

...Okay, fine. Sixty-forty it is.

[The last time Joker had seen his sister before their reunion on the Thor had been before he'd gone to war-- and not just any war, but a galaxy-wide struggle between every organic race and an incomprehensible threat. Second-hand, he'd seen things that would have given anyone nightmares; husks, colonists being melted into genetic slurry, the fall of Thessia. People died, sometimes right in front of him. Sometimes because of him.]

[The Purists hadn't had to do anything. The Reapers had already done more than enough.]

[He never let on that anything was wrong, though; he was the pilot. They needed him to be in top form at all times, no matter what, and he didn't disappoint. And if it meant having to bottle up his trauma until it was contents under high pressure, then that's what he would do.]

Pleasure doing business with you, sir!

[And Gunny reached between the chairs, leaning precariously over the edge of her own, for a good, old fashioned handshake]

Pleasure's mine.

[He leaned over and took her hand in his, giving it a business-like shake.]

[And with that, Gunny can definitely feel a huge weight lifting off her shoulders. It's enough to bring a genuine smile to her face, even as she dabs away at her puffy eyes.]

Thanks, Jeff.

Got a job for you. Send a message back when you get a chance.

- G

What kind of job?

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